I Can't Win

So, I'm back from PKU camp. I was there from Thursday-Sunday. The first thing they did when we got there Thursday was take our blood. I had been eating really well up until Thursday as well as drinking my supplement so I was really hoping for a good level this time, to finally get between 2-6mg/dl.

Saturday at our cooking class, they gave us the results, and I got an 8.7. I was SO BUMMED. Like so much so that I didn't really talk at all during our lunch. My dietician, Nikki, was with us all weekend, and so I went to talk to her and told her I was kind of upset. She talked to me and told me that she thinks the reason that my levels are still a little high even though I'm doing everything right is because I'm trying to lose weight. When you don't eat enough calories, your body breaks down muscle for energy. Muscle is protein, which makes my levels higher.

She told me she wasn't sure the exact calculations but for my weight to maintain what I weigh now I should probably be eating 1600 calories a day, and right now due to weight loss goals, I am only eating 1200. So basically I cannot have both weight loss and low levels both at the same time :( Nikki is seriously so amazing though, she told me she wants me to keep going for my personal weight loss goals and just not worry, as long as the levels stay around there and don't get higher. I honestly love her and I'm SO lucky to have her watching out for me and helping me along this journey.

They also took our levels when we left on Sunday. I'm VERY interested to see if that one is any lower, because the whole weekend I was not counting calories at all, so I may have been eating enough and maybe the level will be lower because of that. It just frustrates me because I'm suchhhhh a perfectionist in everything I do and I want my levels to be where they are supposed to.

UGH and I have not set foot on the scale since I've been home, I'm scared. I'm going to weigh myself Thursday, because I weighed myself right before I left, so a week seemed like a good span.